My beloved Naani* (maternal grandmother)

The last third of the night is setting in here in South-East Asia.

Your favourite time of the day.

And my favourite memory of you.

I miss you.

It’s always been one of the hardest parts of living far away from home.

I miss your presence, your dua, your food, your hugs, your warmth, your scent.

I miss you.

8500 kilometres away, our loved ones are preparing to take you to your new, temporary home.

I have spent the last few hours crying and reading, sobbing amidst whispered supplications.

And then I stood up to pray.

As I saw you do 30 years ago.

Sweet relief.

I’m thinking back to the time we performed Umrah together.

We were room-mates and my 11 year old self was thrilled about it!

I watched as you prepared yourself for each salah – reverentially, to stand in His Court.

I watched as you prepared yourself for Jumu’ah – meticulously, to honour our weekly Eid.

I can almost hear your voice replying to the words of the Muadthin in the Haram.

You did so with such mindfulness and calmness.

I remember you not wasting a moment when on Umrah : I would wonder as child if you ever slept in those two weeks! You were praying when I opened my eyes in the morning and it was the last thing I saw you do when I closed my eyes at night. You were overflowing with love and devotion – and I was in awe!

I remember us going to the Haram very early one Jumu’ah. You explained to me that you would be praying a special Salah and this meant you would be bowing and prostrating for a longer time, and I should try not to worry. But, if I did worry, I could lean closer and your breathing would reassure me you’re okay – I miss your humour too, you know 😉

So we found a perfect spot:  in line with a clear view of the Ka’bah.

After a while, a group of Indonesian pilgrims came up to me and through sign language, gestured that they were very concerned about you. Eventually, a student translated that they were certain you had taken ill or passed on.

You had been in sujood for more than 15 minutes. Atleast that’s what my purple wristwatch told me.

I leaned in, and reassured them that I could hear you breathing and everything was fine.

You were glowing, beaming, after that salah.

It was you who made me fall in love with Salatut-Tasabeeh.

I remember us preparing to go to the Rawdah of our beloved Prophet  (ﷺ).

The night before, you asked me to take out my best kaftan and told me that the next day would be so special. And it was.

All the way to the Rawdah, we were practising the greeting words.

I’m so grateful I have this memory to cherish. It’s one that I cannot put into words.

And I remember how you would speak of those who had honourable deaths : when you heard someone had passed away on a Friday, you would exclaim, ‘Jumu’ah Mawt’.

And you were given that, too: Jumu’ah, in the hour between Asr and Maghrib, surrounded by loved ones, on the 12th Rabiul Awwal.

And I could think of no one better to be honoured in this way : after all, you embodied the Prophetic practises of Tahajjud and Tawakkul throughout your life.

Your life was not easy.

You faced challenges, tests, losses, hardships and struggles.

I remember having sleepovers during the school holidays, and watching you rise while the world was silent and the skies were dark.

I saw you repeat His Divine Names over and over and over again, raising your hands in dua, your Thikr beads moving deftly.

People were often in awe of your resilience.

And I saw the Source of it with my own eyes.

“May Allah Ta’ala make things very easy for you and help you every step of the way” – that was your dua for me always.

And now I pray that for you, Naani.

May the angels whisper to you :

“Peace be upon you for your perseverance. How excellent is the ultimate abode!” [Quran, 13:24]

May you be given your book in your right hand,  your accounting made easy, your scale heavy with good deeds, your feet firm on the Siraat, and settled into the highest levels of Jannah as a neighbor of our beloved  Prophet (ﷺ).

May Allah keep you at peace and tranquility on the Day of Judgement, with light from His Light guiding you.

May He look at you and be pleased with you, for whomever He looks at and is pleased with will never be punished.

May He give you good news by saying: ‘eat and drink at ease, as a reward for that which you have sent on before you in previous days’.

And may we meet at the Hawdh, our thirst quenched at the hands of our beloved Prophet (ﷺ) and enjoy Jannah eternally together.

And if I may, can I ask… Will you make me your delicious burfee* (sweet dish) there too?